She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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