I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
