when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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