Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
