Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
