I skipped work to stalk him.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
