you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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