Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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