There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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