Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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