i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
