Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
