Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
