and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
