I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
