I faked an abortion last night.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We talked him into tasing himself.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize