I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
