Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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