I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
