Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
