I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
