dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
