i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize