i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
