Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's never too late to be topless.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
