How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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