apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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