i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
