Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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