I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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