My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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