i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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