so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
