A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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