I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
