i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
