i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she peed on how many people?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
