It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
