You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
