i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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