Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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