I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
from now on my penis is your penis
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
