I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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