the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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