My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
