Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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