You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
