one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
