This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
