is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
