k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
