I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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