so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
