dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
