the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
