I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize