If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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