If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
