It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
