Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
