Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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