My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
