My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
