You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
