I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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