Pregnant stripper...not hot.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize