The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
