You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
