Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
