i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
