I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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