Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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