i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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