My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
